12 Things I Learned About Women from Pinterest
I love me some Pinterest. What a magical world of ideas! I'm not even kidding: I am that rare man who will happily dig around on a holiday board looking for great Arbor Day decorating ideas. But you know how sometimes you can get sucked in and find yourself in a deep, dark place full of care packages for cats? That happened to me, and it was educational. As I wandered the random corridors of Pinterest, I realized that the site is a valuable and important resource for men seeking to understand women. Let me share my discoveries.
1. The quest for the most unusual baby photo is your white whale.I don't ever remember walking into any of my friends' houses when I was young and seeing framed pictures of them as newborns nestled inside a worn leather baseball glove or sleeping on a mossy rock in a beautiful field. This is a weird new phenomenon, and I wonder, why are women into it? The Pinterest baby-photography thing looks like ads for small humans. Who wouldn't want this baby that sleeps in a catcher's mitt?! It's the perfect baby for the sporty guy in your life! Am I saying I never posed my baby in an empty pizza box or on top of the sleeping dog? Of course not—I'm just saying it was a daddy/baby moment, and I didn't need a professional to capture it.
2. "Back fat" is a mysterious concern of yours.I've noticed a lot of pins about getting rid of "back fat." Intellectually speaking, I guess I understand that people can have "fat backs," but it's not like I've ever turned to a friend and said, "Yo, she looked so hot from the front, and she had a great butt, but her back was a little heavy!"
3. I will never know what a "bob" is.You can show me one hundred pins of a woman's bobbed hair and I will still have no clue what exactly is going on. Dudes are generally blind to hairstyles, so cut us some slack when you say "curly bob" and we think you're talking about some guy from the office.
4. Vintage photography is for lovers.Apparently, shooting photos in black and white automatically makes them romantic. This is good to know, since the only current photo of my wife, Karel, and me is from a cousin's wedding and we're both stuffing our faces. I'm gonna slap a black-and-white filter on that bad boy and it will magically transform into a whimsical, French-looking meditation on true love.
5. You ladies dig on some weird products.I don't even know what to say about the "Invisible Strap Nude Silicone Bra." That's intense. I just can't imagine having to adhere silicone to my body, or use it to secure… just wow.
6. Am I alone in finding all the quotes and inspirational messages depressing?We can all use a pep talk from time to time, but when you realize that someone has pinned 40 affirmations—"A strong woman is one who is able to smile this morning like she wasn't crying last night"—in three hours, suddenly it feels a little too personal for social media.
7. Tiny tattoos on the side of women's rib cages are the new lower-back tattoo.And, in my opinion, both will always be good.
8. Ryan Gosling's popularity continues unabated.I sawLars and the Real Girl, I get it, he's a handsome dude. I just feel like it's time to move on.
9. It's all about chicken dinners "made easy."I argued with my editor about this. I maintain that chicken dinners aren't that hard; I make roast chicken once a week. My editor said that easy chicken dinners are boring and women like her seek new ones. With all due respect, boss, a roast chicken is never boring,because you never roast the same chicken twice.
10. "Rustic barn weddings" are a thing?I don't know where people are finding these camera-ready barns, as most of the barns I'm familiar with are filled with animals or junk, and they smell. I think the barn of your Pinterest dreams may not exist. That goes for a lot of things on Pinterest, actually.
11. Y'all check out butts and boobs almost as much as men do.The health and fitness boards are a cascade of oiled-up women in various states of undress, not unlike certain websites I hardly ever visit (I've got Pinterest!). If you really want that body, okay. But if you aspire to that crazy body because of us guys? Don't worry so much about the oil and the abs—the naked part is fine.
12. Women need to take a step back from the children's-birthday-party-planning extravaganza.Do you remember parties in the '70s and '80s? Six kids in the basement with a cake and a cassette player. Sometimes a trip to Burger King. Look, you don't need homemade cupcakes decorated like each Pokémon character to give your little one a special day. We keep this up and what happens when he's 18 and wants aGame of Thronesgraduation party?
When weddings and abs and baby pictures become a competitive sport, all the fun goes out of them. Suddenly a resource becomes another way to judge ourselves, and too harshly. Now let's go check out the illustration and architecture boards—pen and ink owls, crazy tree houses. That stuff is cool.
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